Introduction to Madness
by AWorldWithoutShrimp
Summary: On her way to visit the Red Queen for answers about the Infernal Train, Alice stumbles across an unexpected guest in Wonderland.


The dark-haired girl strode forward on the bridge of cards.

Alice was in a hurry; she had an appointment with an old foe. The Red Queen, wretched, despicable creature though she was, might have the answers Alice sought to save her Wonderland from the infernal Train which belched hellfire throughout its once-beautiful landscape. Of course, there was always the possibility that Alice might simply find herself at another dead end-_perhaps literally,_ she thought. The Red Queen possessed a certain fondness for arranging the separation of heads from their bodies, after all, and that tended to be an inconvenience of a rather considerable magnitude.

Caterpillar had been _maddeningly _unhelpful, really. _Honestly_, Alice reflected, _the whole bunch of them have been about as useful as an umbrella on a day where there's not a cloud to be found in the sky. I am convinced that they can find no greater entertainment than attempts to set my head spinning with cryptic talk and vague hints, even as Wonderland collapses about their ears. _

For just a moment, Alice entertained the notion of leaving them all to face the Train alone. Certainly, it would be fitting repayment for all the trials they'd put _her _through, though she doubted that they might appreciate the irony.

_In any case, it's not as if I can stand by and watch as Wonderland suffers_, she thought.

Alice paused for a moment and gazed around at her surroundings. Wonderland might be wracked with agony, but the Card Bridge remained a place of singular majesty. Alice could find no sign of the corruption which penetrated her refuge in the endless blue skies which stretched out in every direction, nor in the fluffy white clouds and beautiful green earth which lay miles below.

Alice closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, pure, beautiful air without a single whiff of smoke or soot to be found filling her lungs. The Red Queen could pout on her throne a while longer; Alice rarely found herself availed of the chance to appreciate Wonderland's beauty as of late.

A loud _thunk! _snapped Alice out of her reverie. The sound appeared to have come from a particularly large card castle off to her left, though none of Wonderland's denizens were in sight. _Curiouser and curiouser_, she thought. _Surely the Queen's minions wouldn't dare travel this far from their vile monarch? Still, I'd best be prepared. _

Alice opened her hand and extended her palm. Her erstwhile ally, the Vorpal Blade, sprung into her grip from the ether at but a thought.

_Snicker-snack_, the air seemed to whisper as the blade keened in her hand.

Alice nodded with satisfaction. _The others may have been useless, but at least you've not abandoned me, old friend_.

Blade in hand, she continued on to the entrance of the castle, cards flapping into place before her feet with every step forward.

Alice halted at the archway, alert for the possibility of an ambush by the Queen's Card Guards. _After all_, she thought, _they would blend into the background rather convincingly_. However, no attack appeared forthcoming, and so Alice stepped through into the castle itself.

The interior of the castle appeared entirely normal-or, at least, what passed for normal for a card castle in the sky, which is to say there was very little normal about it at all. However, no Card Guards hurled themselves onto Alice's Blade; no pools of black ruin seeped forth from the floor. The castle was empty, the only sound the wind as it whistled through colorful towers.

Alice's grip on the Blade lessened somewhat as she realized there was nothing to fear. _I truly am going mad_, she thought.

As all appeared in order, Alice walked toward the castle's exit, ever closer to what would no doubt be a rather interesting reunion. The Vorpal Blade vanished into the air as Alice prepared to voyage amongst the clouds once more.

"I wonder what it might say about me," Alice said to herself as she rounded a corner and stepped back onto the bridge, "that I should think nothing about traveling through the sky on a tremendous bridge of playing cards, yet allow a simple sound to drive me to panic?"

"Something bad, probably," a strange voice said. "You know, I know a licensed psychology major, if you want that checked out."

Alice's head snapped toward the voice. A young man stood on the Card Bridge, his back to Alice as he gazed out at the splendor beyond. He turned to face her.

"She'd probably just Britta it, though," he said.

The man certainly didn't look like another of Wonderland's natives; as far as Alice could discern, he seemed entirely human. He was clad in a rather absurd white bathrobe and a red scarf, topped off by one of the bowler hats Alice knew to be popular among young Englishmen.

Alice found herself at a loss for words, a truly rare occurrence in Wonderland. Still, bandying speech with the likes of the Cheshire Cat and Hatter gave one a knack for making conversation in even the most preposterous of situations, and so she composed herself and politely inquired,

"Excuse me, but this is somewhat of a private place, and you're intruding. May I ask how you found your way here? You don't have the air of Wonderland about you, and anyways, _I _certainly don't find you familiar."

The newcomer nodded, his face curiously emotionless as he launched into an energetic explanation punctuated by the occasional hand gesture.

"Actually, I was hoping you could tell me," he said. "Last thing I remember, I was in the Dreamatorium, and then _bam!_ Falling through the sky till I landed in that castle over there." He paused momentarily, seemingly deep in thought, looked at Alice, and asked, "Am I on _Lost?_"

"Well, it certainly seems you may be lost," Alice said, "though I'm afraid I'll be of no help there. We're all quite lost here, except when we're found, and only rarely even then."

The stranger nodded again. "So, what's your name?"

"Alice," she said. "And yours? I really ought to be asking the questions, you know. This _is _my Wonderland, and you've only just arrived."

"Abed", he said. "But, judging by what's going on, it might be better if you called me…_Inspector._"

"You don't resemble any inspector I know," Alice said. "For one, you're wearing a bathrobe!"

The "Inspector" smiled and shook his head. "Oh, no no no, not that kind of inspector. More like an Inspector of space, _and _time! I'm the complete package."

_He certainly is peculiar_, Alice thought. _Though, for Wonderland, I suppose peculiarity is something of a requisite. It'd be ever so awfully dull otherwise._

The man spoke up again.

"So, what are you doing here? Did you make this? Because if so, I have to say-_cool._"

"I really don't see what the temperature has to do with it," Alice said. "In any case, this is my Wonderland. It's a marvelous place when all's well, full of adventure and beauty. Sadly, all never does seem to be."

The man perked up further and gazed out over the card bridge once more.

"So you did imagine all this? Cool. Cool cool cool. This is even cooler than the time I made everything claymation. Not all it's cracked up to be, by the way," he said. "Things got kinda dark."

Alice nodded courteously, though she did not comprehend a single word the man had just said. She'd found polite agreement to be the best policy when in Wonderland, as more often than not one had absolutely no idea of what its inhabitants were prattling on about.

"It's been a pleasure to meet you, Inspector", she said, "and I should hate to be rude, but I really ought to be going. I'm on very urgent business, you see."

"Right." He nodded. "You mentioned adventure? Adventures are kind of a specialty of mine. Mind if I come? It's been a while since I've had one this awesome."

Alice pondered the question for a moment. _He is a rather odd man_, she thought, _and Wonderland's far more dangerous than he could possibly suspect. Still, though, I suppose I'm in no position to turn away help, no matter how bizarre it seems. _

"You may join me if you'd like," Alice said, "though you should know it's liable to be extraordinarily dangerous. A horrid disease afflicts Wonderland, and I have yet to find any means of stopping it."

The Inspector chuckled and waved a hand.

"It'll take more than that to stop Inspector Spacetime! Shall we be off?"

Alice noted, rather bemusedly, that the Inspector had slipped into a quite awful approximation of an English accent.

"Come along," she said. "Although, Inspector, I should warn you; there exists a distinct possibility that I may be rather completely out of my mind."

The man smiled and spoke in his normal accent once more. "It's OK. People tell me I'm crazy twice a week," he said. "They just don't understand what having a real imagination is like. But I think you do."

Alice inclined her head ever so slightly in silent agreement.

"Glad to have you along, Inspector," she said. "We really ought to be off. The Red Queen has an awful temper, and tardiness is only liable to increase its severity."

"Vamos!" he exclaimed with a beaming grin, and the Inspector and the dark-haired girl set off together on the bridge of cards.

Alice smiled, for while Wonderland might yet be left in flaming ruin, it'd been _ages_ since she'd had any company worthy of the name.


End file.
